…rose.sand.water…

By Jonathan Gonzalez | 04/08/2008

I feel smaller than you will ever know.
For I can not live up to my own tragedies.
And I’m more than just guilty of falling over.
There have been numerous ties but few lead changes.
And now you’re so pre-conceived.

I am not like the others.

But planes don’t fly backwards.
And I’ve cut down the wrong tree.
And now we’re both struggling to breathe.
But I’m just too afraid to end up on that list.
And reassurance goes to waste.
Sometimes the reassurance comes from within.
At certain times that is the only way to know that you’re not unhinged.
Unlike the rest of them.

And I don’t have a molecule left in me to give to you.
But what do you do with the puppy you find but know you can’t keep?
It’s something more than you could ever feel.
But I know that you do.

I picked you up off the floor only to let you fall once more.
Let me take this disgust. I’ll keep it around me.
I’ll keep it like treasure.
It’s the only way I know it will never reach you again.

Have you ever loved something so much that you didn’t want to just give it every single thing you could ever give?
And anything less wouldn’t be fair or enough or worthy?
Oh! You’ve taken this one too far.
No one’s laughing anymore.
I had you hop in the wrong rollercoaster line.
This one shakes and rattles.
This time you’ve taken this too far.

I should’ve left you in line until I was done on this journey.
I’d freeze you if I could. But that isn’t real.
Unacceptable.
Never doubt the love but doubt the doubts.
Some things you could never understand.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
This me just isn’t the me I’d like you to see.
You’re like ivory.silver.pearl.rose.sand.water.air.light.love

I don’t watch much TV, but I swear I’d watch you for hours.

By Jonathan Gonzalez | 04/01/2008

And ever since that melody when I realized my jazz.
I saw and felt all that I wanted to see and breathe.
And it was the expression of my heart.
Harmonic freedom,
But I could see it when I closed my eyes.
It came in chaos and in peace.
Noise.
Animation.
Nonsense.
Cities.
Dirty electricity.
Fog and fire places.
Bricks And Castles.
Pleasing acceleration.
When all is right.
Lights.
Night.
Stars.
Steering wheels and my foot on the pedal that never let go.
Before the sun begins to sleep.
Early morning, and the reverb, and ever increasing volume and the smooth fall from space.
Space shuttles.
Moons and planets.
Sometimes you have to forget to remember.
And everytime I hear this jazz, my love.
When I intake these scents!
And I close my eyes and see the lights of the city from my balcony of my skyscraper apartment.
I look up to see the sky. A silent mirror. The stars a reflection of the lights below them.
Brilliance sweetie, brilliance.
And I could settle for a street lamp.
But I never thought to see this accompanied.
I always wished for presence.
But could never find one.
And I think, I’d love to go there, and I will not go alone.
I love you and you will come with me//
Sleep in love.jazz.harmony we will.
Harmony. I’ve heard that word all my life but today I realized what it means.