Never hide that reflection

that bounces sunlight

from your place in the sky

through the leaves down here,

pirouetting in the night wind.

I see you bright and clear.

Sensationally stunning, 

even from a great distance,

but proximity reveals a depth

that knows no bounds.

You astound at every turn,

with a guarantee to grin,

but I promise you don’t owe

a single soul a single thing.

May you keep some sunlight

you gleam without effort,

hiding through the leaves

beyond the trees.

I see a golden moon tonight,
large in the distance,
shining in the dark.

I think about you,
my baby girl,
who I bond with
in the dark.

How perfect we named you
about my favorite part
of a galaxy so big
I can’t comprehend.

The moon’s glow
must reflect
all the sunshine you send.

Let this serve as a reminder 
of the things I’ll surely forget. 
Not because I’d like to, 
but because to live is to replace old memories with new, the minutiae fades too easily. 

And it’s a shame I won’t always remember 
because that’s where life is lived, in the everyday.
The 3 a.m. feedings and changings, 
the overnight toddler tantrums in the hall, 
the conversations in the ride to school, 
in most of our nights spent just at home. 

Aidy, 
I won’t always remember how small you really were,
nestled in my arms, your smile is bright in the dark of night,
only in need of a change and a bottle and back to sleep.
You have a calmness I can only hope will last. 
Your thick, dark hair is as soft as your cheeks, 
and your eyes say so much, for all you cannot speak.

Veda, 
Our rollercoaster beauty, 
with your heartbreaking cries and innocence unmatched.
You’re fearless to fight and to feel
and underneath is the kindest love.
The kind that steals kisses without notice. 
Impossibly and dangerously adorable.
Lucky you’re on our side, 
most of the time. 

Ari,
Your mind works wonders.
An intelligence matched only by imagination. 
You navigate a world where the answers aren’t always simple, 
yet you never stop searching. 
We see our entire world in your eyes and your heart, 
as pure as your intentions. 
You’re as weird as you are funny, 
we adore you more than words.

Come into this world,
we’ll protect you.
Cry for what you need, we’ll get it.
Open your eyes to find us in awe.

Come and join the chaos.
Run the halls, jump the beds.
Yell as loud as you’d like.
Don’t let your grumpy papa stop you.
Let your beautiful mama encourage you.
See your siblings love you.

A few days out and I’m wildly impatient.
Enjoying the last of our nuclear family days.
But baby, our family isn’t complete without you.
So come on your own time and we’ll be here, always.

It wasn’t your choice to be born first,
but how grateful we are that you were.
This family needed your wisdom,
your laughter, your warmth.

To call a mother a superhero
is to praise her for her strength.
To thank her for the thankless love
she puts in every day.

But to call a mother a superhero
is to ignore they’re human first.
For the daily miracles we see
mask the struggle, grind and work.

I closed my eyes
pretending to be asleep,
hoping you’d follow suit
minus the pretending.

I turned and faced away,
praying your restless nature
would cease just long enough.
It didn’t.

You screamed
and kicked
and sat up
and tricked.

But then you cuddled close,
up against my back,
your little arm wrapped around me,
your Ada (Ah-DAH), forever yours.

I closed my eyes even tighter.
At this age, you’re chaos personified.
But I know this age won’t last,
which is why I soaked in the moment.

You moved your arm
to guide your hands
to scratch the back of my head.
My baby girl, forever seeking comfort.

I write this because I won’t always remember
how I felt in those few minutes.
I’ve just know I’ve lived most of my life without you,
yet I can’t imagine life without you.

What do you wonder
when you wander by the window
and stare out into a world
you see in your own way?

Always opting for outside.
It’s out there you prefer
than the ever-seeming locked in
feeling of indoors.

Perhaps because we know
containment isn’t capable.
Your boundless aspirations
are too big to fit in this house.

Your potential too large to even fit outside.
That’s why it calls for you
and you answer every time.
The moment a door opens, you step through it.

The moment the blinds separate, you’re looking out.
And we’ll be here standing in the doorway,
keeping an eye from a distance
on our girl who belongs anywhere she goes.