Posts by Jonathan Gonzalez
Rainbows
To the little girl with the rainbow eyes,
oh, how I’ve been waiting to know you.
I look at you and think,
what a gift you are.
And every morning
I unwrap the smile you saved for me.
Soft and telling,
I’m watching a sunrise
wipe away a dark sky
whenever I stare in awe of you.
I never thought such a little person
could say so much without a single word.
Because every time I look, I catch your stare finding mine.
The love I feel I find in your eyes.
For all the love
For all the love I’ll ever need
you gave to me.
With few words and a look,
we’re eight years into a lifetime.
A long hallway promise that’s always been kept.
A long road we continue to pave,
drawing the map as we go.
Through cities new and familiar.
To realize I’m always home
as long as you’re there.
And even “we” means something new.
To love how it was
and to love knowing it’ll never be the same.
For we saw once they came
just how love can grow.
It multiplies with the smiles and the cries.
The subtle moments.
How you can be an entire world for someone
who’s your entire universe.
Not unlike how you’re mine,
then and now and tomorrow.
How lucky I am to stay in your orbit.
For all the love I’ll ever need
you give to me.
With few words and a look.
Eight years into a lifetime.
A long hallway promise that’s always been kept.
Sometimes
Sometimes I wonder where it comes from.
Sometimes I tell myself I’m fine.
Sometimes I wonder where it goes when it’s gone.
Sometimes, in my mind.
In the little
In the little you,
I see the young man to be.
A boy I wish would stay so young,
but the man I can’t wait to meet.
In the little you,
I hear a laughter so sincere
it spreads to all around you,
a smile that must be seen to be believed.
In the little you,
I wonder about all your hopes and dreams.
Your limitless desire to be whatever you want to be.
In the little you,
I hope I’m giving you the most
love and joy a father can bring.
In the little you,
I cherish a boy whose mere existence
has fulfilled my entire being.
Time
Time.
It’s losing its luster
it’s gone.
I can’t believe
how quick
sand falls.
It’s done.
They had so long to go,
those hands up on the wall.
Fast, they spin around,
faster than
I’d like to know
if we can ever get it back.
Travel through the very thing
we now lack.
I wonder where they go,
the seconds of the day.
Memories may fade,
but they never go away.
Right Here, Right There
As the roar of the dishwasher fills the background,
I lie surrounded by boxes, playthings, clutter.
And for the first time all day,
I don’t let it get to me.
I am about to lay next to you, my love,
with a couple little loves in between.
How lucky are we?
Tied together by our flower-like connection.
The seed was our creation, one we water everyday.
Every day, I miss you.
The late nights.
A floor to move our feet.
A drink to share too fast.
The dreams we’d share in the past.
Now we struggle to last.
To lay still is to steal a moment,
knowing it may not come again soon enough.
And too often we don’t steal enough for us.
But I love you.
And as I peek at a clock that is not my friend,
I write to you, for you
to know that I’m always right here.
Heart full in knowing you’re always right there.
Safe
I lie awake in bed too late
amazed by all that love creates.
A peaceful sleep that feels so safe.
Oh son, I wish you could always stay this way.
It never ends
There are places where the bus stops are used only by those who don’t live there.
By those who are invited in but not to stay.
And those lucky enough to stay are as lucky to live nameless among the known.
But they’re even more foreign than when they arrived.
Full of promise and hope.
Their skin contrasts the cold concrete bench,
waiting at a stop for something that never really stops.
Anxiety
The quiet grows louder
Silence builds and builds
Chest tightens harder
The quiet grows louder
Silence builds and builds
Chest tightens harder
And the quiet grows
Chest grows tighter
Silence builds
The quiet
Builds
The silence tightens
Chest
Louder
Builds and builds
Grows louder
Tightens harder
The quiet
The silence
The chest
The mind. The mind. The mind.
All around seems normal
But all is not the same.
You look around and wonder
Why am I looking from the outside in?
There must be a reckoning
Recovery
Result
There must be a reckoning
A Recovery
A Result
A way to capture sunlight when the clouds block your view.
Running from nothing, always running from nothing,
Running for something that isn’t there.
Show me how
Slow me down
Show me how
Slow me down
Running from nothing.
Separate the senses.
Hold them and listen.
It’s going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
Hold them and listen.
Separate the senses.
It’s going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
Blind the light.
Recognize moment.
Breathe through the hysteria.
Exhale confusion.
Inhale relief.
The place in which he lived
He clutches it tight.
The walls paper thin, but no light is let in.
Buried inside, its secrets sit entrapped and out of view.
Easy to carry around, not a struggle for you.
On the outside, its appearance remains the same.
Same color, same face.
All seems well.
But its wings are sealed shut,
only opened to fill with what you conceal.
The weight thickens. It can no longer fly.
You can hardly hold what’s inside.
Your grip starts to abandon your lifeless hands.
The final descent of it all begins.
The wings unravel.
The secrets escape.
It crashes to the ground.
Destroyed and crumbled, flattened.
A box when closed let’s in no light.