Posts by Jonathan Gonzalez
But I love you!
I’ve tried. I’ve looked. I’ve tried again.
I have only found that what I never found
must make true that it is not possible to tell you in mere words
all that you are in my life.
Your smile is an addictive welcome,
while your eyes tell stories only I can understand.
Your hands calm the most nervous of nerves.
Your love makes me better.
Your love makes everyone better.
I stand each day in a life position only made possible by the willingness you explore,
by the patience you gift me,
by the love we hold in our arms.
You are a stop light when I’m moving too fast,
a green light to my ridiculous dreams.
What I should search for is the reason for how I could ever be so lucky,
but I don’t deserve to know more than the simple fact that I don’t deserve all that you are.
But I try to every day.
No need for doubt about that.
So I leave you every morning only waiting to come back.
Back to the home we have made.
Back to the love that we champion.
Back to the boy we adore.
Back to the place we swore we won’t ever leave.
You are deserving of a lifetime of bright smiles,
brighter sunrises and purple sunsets.
Long car rides to sights only imagined.
Flights to places only seen in fairy tales.
Mari,
I’ve tried. I’ve looked. I’ve tried again.
I have only found that what I never found
must make true that it is not possible to tell you in mere words
all that you are in my life.
On and onward
On an eeriely windy night
the tips of the trees shake and sway.
The dark sky has arrived
On the week’s final day without play.
On the inside of these walls,
all is calm. In my arms
the sweetest boy I’ve ever held,
silent at the top of my chest.
On my mind is a year’s worth of thoughts
colliding with one another as they speed through and through.
She keeps me from sinking.
She is who I miss dearly.
On the clock is a time less forgiving every moment.
A song builds and releases, my mind repeats the action,
so do the snores of a tired boy.
A restless night will not stop us from resting easy.
That new kind of love
I stare in awe and amazement at your sunlit face
as you stare in awe and amazement at the boy you have made.
The boy we dreamed of in the backseat,
the smiles we always wanted to mirror,
the sweet inadvertent noises we always remember.
Oh, if only he realized how lucky he is
to have a mother whose limitless love stretches from her hands to his feet.
A mama whose been waiting for this day, each day.
A mama who was made for this day, each day.
Oh, if only he knew of the heart you call your own
and the spot he has dug into it and calls his own.
He may not know now of the love we possess,
that love you hold near and tight.
The love that wakes you up and puts him back to sleep each night.
But one day he will.
You come from love
You come from a lookdown stare,
eyes locked and love bound.
You come from a tap on the shoulder
From a young man’s nervous courage.
You come from a message,
direct yet subtle.
You come from infatuation,
a real life adoration.
You come from one woman’s sacrifice.
You come from one man’s drive.
You come from hard work.
You come from generations of dreams never realized.
You come from callous hands, but always giving.
You come from good people.
You come from a look at the empty backseat.
You come from dreams,
both day and night.
You come from cultures mighty and proud.
You come from mom.
You come from dad.
You come from family.
You come from a wish.
You come from connection.
You come from love.
February 16
The hours pass like minutes.
One long blink and the hand is back at the top.
Another hour down, another to patiently wait through.
A gift is waiting any minute now.
The moon has come and gone.
The sun has made its presence felt.
It seems the universe is moving planets as a sign,
as we wait in a room number so perfectly aligned: 4.
A thousand feet stroll by the crack below the door
hoping for just two to stroll inside to give us any indication.
Any information is a gracious gift
for these impatient patients.
But finally he came, on our day of all days.
We only cared that he came to us any way.
Right into our arms, our eyes, our hearts.
Exactly where we wanted him right from the start.
Almost there
I envision you the way I envision perfection.
That should I be gifted with the gift of holding you,
that should my life be so fortunate,
then I will look at you the way I look at your mother,
whose adoration for you is endless.
You are her prized possession and both of you are mine.
Your gentle smile will be a reflection of the warmth found in our hearts.
A smile we hope to find even when all you want to do is frown,
and you will certainly frown a lot.
And even when the fog enters our atmosphere,
I’ll always remember what I saw in your eyes in the haze staring back at me.
All I could see was something wonderful.
I know you will be wonderful.
I’ll feel guilty to hold such a responsibility.
To be tasked with your growth is a big ask,
but I know I will uphold it with pride.
I will.
The Year That Few Will Remember This Way
Here we are, sitting paused just seconds from the countdown.
An entire year becomes like a mural, a portrait easy to stare into,
an image that often reflects like a mirror
as we wonder what direction all the time ran away from us.
But look at what we witnessed!
A gift to walk through ancient homes and even more ancient lands,
to see the world below from the tip tops of mountains so grand,
to learn and love with someone who learns and loves with you.
My joyous eyes well up
when I see how wonderful a year lit our walkways to where we are.
The most beautiful of chances to spend our days at home
while we wait for the most beautiful son to join ours.
For My Loves, Always
Each flicker of the Christmas lights are a memory, a wish.
Each bulb illuminates a path of everywhere we have been and will go.
Everything we’ve created was and is a vision
I first saw in your kind eyes staring back at me.
Even when the lights turn out for the night,
my eyes rest easy as we rest easy,
while my mind wanders with bright colors and louder laughs,
envisioning the daylight to come and the smiles we’ll share.
Whoever said life wasn’t easy must have never been in love.
For I’ve seen so much the world gives us to handle
and yet I’ve never once struggled to love you,
since before we met and every day since.
You are my loves, my hearts, my souls,
my gifts, my smiles, my goodness.
You are the proof in my world of disbeliefs
that I need only believe in love.
And Amaze Me
Someday, I’ll describe the moments, the details that led to you.
I’ll tell you how I met my soul mate and best friend all at once.
I’ll explain the smiles, the trips, the building of memories skyscrapers tall.
You’ll hear about a love that never ceases to grow, and amaze me.
And the journey begins
What can we even say?
We first witnessed your life in a photograph, colorless, still.
But as your heart races to us, as you grow into us, we will be here waiting each day for you.
For you are the epitome of what our lives have wanted, what our minds have wondered.
What can we even say?
We’ll tell you when you get here.