I believe it was the twelfth night when I did it again.
I swung the door open, but didn’t let you in.
And I looked you in the eye
and said, “This is how I feel.”
You said you wouldn’t cry
But you began to appeal the very first emotions that you carried towards me.
You must’ve thought if I was this unsure then why shouldn’t you be?
But I never let my heart speak.
My head did all the talking.
And if you’ve ever known me for longer than a day you know that my heart’s the leader of the pack.
And that my head roams somewhere lonely in the back.
I’ve invented this doubt that’s now lodged in your head.
And I want to get it out because on my part it’s dead.
Mr. Simple has complicated life.
All in trying to show you me.
But you’ve got the wrong idea.
I promise you do.
I don’t think you’re scared of all you’ve said you are.
I think your scared that you could possibly give someone your heart and that every twelfth night they’ll give it right back.
But I know what I want.
And I find it in you.
I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel something too.

And I will be the first to say I ruined any normalcy.
I am not hiding.
I just feel my words are deafening.
They carry little meaning on the the other side.
And don’t you think I’d tell you if I knew?
You really don’t understand.
But that makes two of us.
Am I too far gone?
Or too far up ahead?
You must wonder where the road turned.
When did I get so fast?
I’m sorry you’re forced to peek through the hole in the fence.
I’d tear it down if it didn’t stand so tall.
It’s tough for me to spread my attention among this sea of people while trying to stare down one.

With your hands tied behind your back you can only move your eyes.
But even they hurt to see.
For they have no drain or sleep.
And I know it hurts to watch the rock atop the mountain tumble while you watch from a distance.
Praying for its submission to the weaker rocks below.
There’s nothing to be said.
Just a silence among them.
And at times a squeak may be too loud.
And I love my words but for the first time I am without them.
Yes, even a squeak just seems too loud.

I can open my mouth only to find it dry.
I can open my eyes only to see terrified.

The starters of the chain reaching the end of theirs.
But many years have past. Times of hard work and endless laughs.
And at the end of the day that’s all that mattered.

I am the hinge in between this see-saw.
And both of you sit on my hands.
The ones that push you back up.
But this time around the see-saw lays flat.
Both sides inches from ground.
But when you hop back on once more I will rocket you into the sky.
And sweetie, this see-saw will fly.

I feel smaller than you will ever know.
For I can not live up to my own tragedies.
And I’m more than just guilty of falling over.
There have been numerous ties but few lead changes.
And now you’re so pre-conceived.

I am not like the others.

But planes don’t fly backwards.
And I’ve cut down the wrong tree.
And now we’re both struggling to breathe.
But I’m just too afraid to end up on that list.
And reassurance goes to waste.
Sometimes the reassurance comes from within.
At certain times that is the only way to know that you’re not unhinged.
Unlike the rest of them.

And I don’t have a molecule left in me to give to you.
But what do you do with the puppy you find but know you can’t keep?
It’s something more than you could ever feel.
But I know that you do.

I picked you up off the floor only to let you fall once more.
Let me take this disgust. I’ll keep it around me.
I’ll keep it like treasure.
It’s the only way I know it will never reach you again.

Have you ever loved something so much that you didn’t want to just give it every single thing you could ever give?
And anything less wouldn’t be fair or enough or worthy?
Oh! You’ve taken this one too far.
No one’s laughing anymore.
I had you hop in the wrong rollercoaster line.
This one shakes and rattles.
This time you’ve taken this too far.

I should’ve left you in line until I was done on this journey.
I’d freeze you if I could. But that isn’t real.
Unacceptable.
Never doubt the love but doubt the doubts.
Some things you could never understand.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
This me just isn’t the me I’d like you to see.
You’re like ivory.silver.pearl.rose.sand.water.air.light.love

Toys and candy you eat.
Toys and candy.
It’s so good that you’ve stopped eating what you have at home.
But the refrigerator door is open.
And I swear you’re letting the cold out.
Soon, the ice will melt and the milk will spoil.
And what will you drink?
You will die of thirst.
You seem to get enough liquid,
yet you will die of thirst.

And just like a cavity you’re a hole that only gets bigger.
The foreign objects that penetrate your lungs build walls of plaque up all around you.
These walls weren’t built to last.
They’re ready to collapse,
But you’ll pick them back up.
Just like you always do.
They’ll only keep you down.
Just like they always do.
The bone begins to shatter.
The hole deepens.
Yet your problems don’t have much depth.
And you cover it up like a blanket does a bed.
The one you sleep under to dream away the pain.
But sleep is temporary. Morning comes too quick.
Speak.
It’s so much easier to deal.
Never let them tell themselves the truth about you.
Cavities never get smaller.
I’m scared for you.
Sacred to my heart.
I’m scared for your life.
You’ve just begun to fall apart.
I hope they reach you before you fall in.
They’re going to have to pull you out with the rest of them.
You’re like a band-aid hanging off a cut.
Grass that doesn’t grow.
A song that ends too soon.
A toy with dead batteries.
A guitar without strings.
A clock that doesn’t tick.
I hope they’ll dig you up.
Leave them down.
Have it all patched.
And you never look back.

And as quick as the stars fly they circle me and zoom around me!
All too quickly I see all that I had been missing.
The message too meaningful for words.
But simply stated says, “Look at what’s ahead. Afraid and alone are behind you.”
Cries of boredom. Sad tales of the lonesome.
And they spin and they spin!
Around me they jet past.
Sentences in bits and pieces!
Words of truth, love.
Truth, love.
And they’re so bright and crisp.
Gold and silver.
I see it all now.
Goodbye! you old, empty room.

And it seems the truth of it all means that we are all liars.
And the liars always have the most beautiful smiles.
How else can they hide honesty?
Hearts are all the same.
Yours no different than mine.
But it’s how we choose to act on it all that makes us… us.
If trust is like blood to a heart then lies are like water in your lungs.
Look at you. Those gorgeous eyes. Those cute dimples.
Blind are we.
Blind.
If only I could take you into further into time,
So you could see what really gets you far.

Where did it go?
…whatever was holding me up?
I don’t feel.
The sky’s still blue and the trees sway while the wind pushes life around the air.
But where’s that purpose and reason?
…the door opener to the skies?
I still see the beauty.
I just can’t feel it.

Oh, how I love this city.
But because there must be something more.
What more could you want?
I can stand here, on the top of this frozen mountain and see the ocean, blue and calm.
But the people here are as cold as the ground I step on.
It’s hard to find yourself here while everyone’s staring.
It’s hard to find yourself when everyone looks the same.
We are all the same.
Not a smile on their face.
Not a truth in their handshake.
And what is it even that we’re all searching for?
After all, we are the makers of dreams.
The one’s you see on T.V.
Well, this town sure ain’t full of nightmares.
But that’s exactly what it is.
I’ve seen the other side and it’s quiet there.
It’s calm.
But with the trash comes intelligence.
Experience.Learning.People.Culture.Life
I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
It’s not that I want to set it on fire, as much as I’d like to see the sparks burn brighter onto the cities around us.
City, surround us.